Wednesday, November 18, 2009


Today felt like the longest day of my life. Obviously it wasn't, considering I've lived through worse, but it is almost feels as if I can't hold my head up.

I have reacted and victimized coworkers and friends based on my bad mood. This isn't me.

Antithetical reactions from everyone; sassy and entitled customers who have never served in any capacity in their lives (customer service, restaurant work, volunteer work, or otherwise); and, simply, work that I just can't physically handle anymore.

And, my body is telling me. I feel aged just by the habits I keep. Therefore, it's not just my heart-brain, but physically I am beat down.

I don't want to hate my life. I don't want to pick someone to murder with words because I CAN.

And I trust the stars. More than I trust myself. I base my days on what my horoscope says and then I plunge headfirst into circumstances that my horoscope revealead. I feel as if i need something to believe in, although I do feel that I do believe in a lot of transcendent experience. I do feel created...but I don't feel that I can create within these circumstances.

Tell me not to lower my standards.

Need a break.