Tuesday, January 29, 2008

dispatches from my quiet storm

I have spent the first month of the year, in the middle of THE storm. Most literally, it is winter. Concerning our years of climate crisis, the bizarre rise in temperatures in the early part of the month was slightly alarming, however regarding the roller coaster of cross-eyed art-ism, financial woe, and the lonely and lascivious loins I've experienced of late, I'd say it was the calm before the storm. Negating a storm's usual connotation as foreboding, and redefining it as a thing of glory.

It has been winter break for my after school program providing me with almost an entirely open schedule. My hours dwindled at the theater (Fuerzabruta!) due to less than frequent weekend shows, and usually this would be extremely fantastic and profitable. I could get extended writing done (fortunately, I have completed/caught up on more than I expected--articles, poetry, and such), last minute museum fixes, and maybe leave my house for yoga, rather than squeezing in some poses or crunches before my shower/email rush. But, that hasn't been the case. Instead, I have pinched pennies and mentally labored over finagling all of my bills.

When times get tough it signals a need for change and decision making:

no more nannying! less part time gigs! WRITING SCHEDULE!

Like old-fashioned movie advertisements or newspaper headlines, but simply just ecstatic brain-bulbs. These revelations and desires have brought me back to the service industry. My intuition always told me I'd return. I have decided that any childcare has to be super part time, to alleviate life or death responsibility and make my supplemental income do what it's supposed to do--MAKE ME SOME MONEY. I have been interviewing to wait tables throughout the city and right now I am in the middle of the inevitable waiting game that is the job hunt-- contemplating my next move.

***The previous paragraph was written a few days before I was hired at a gig I'd been hoping for. It's for a really great International company, with the vague feelings of corporate entity minus the monster--just a well-oiled machine. The money won't be fantastic at first, but it will help me budget and keep me connected for future jobs when I make my next voyage abroad.

Also, amidst all of my OVER-working in December, I somehow made a smart decision that has helped me focus throughout this foggy month. My show with the 52nd St. project goes up tonight and I am thrilled. Lots of committment and hard work were put in and I am looking forward to the weekend.

More proof that my time off wasn't wasted on worry and tangled sheets:

The next reading is being planned steadily with even hopes of a performance artist.

Regular updates of my blog. Ha!

I've uncovered some short stories and essays by Baldwin, and re-read some poetry by Brooks and Plath. More research on Lorca, Borges, and Mailer.

I am applying to graduate school, and/or a Fulbright!


School starts next week. Usually, the return is slightly bittersweet as I give up my month of free time. But this time around, I can't wait.

Lately, the clouds have been letting up and I can see the sun. I knew that it was always there, I just had to give myself time to find it.

I'm reaching. One day, I'll touch it and hopefully get burned.

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